The Dreaded Guillotine

The biggest thing I was dreading when I started nursing school was the infamous dosage calculations test. Every school approaches it differently, but at mine? You have to get 100% in three tries, otherwise you fail, your clinical and have to start all over again. I took my first one on monday. I made some seriously stupid mistakes. A couple I completely understood, if I had actually made that mistake, I could've killed someone. Today I took my second try. I made one mistake.

Now, I understand why I got it wrong, but it was one of those situations where you have to assume something you'd never assume on the floor. If this was my final chance, I would seriously raise some hell, but it wasn't. Tomorrow is.

I'm trying my hardest to be calm about this, but given what I could lose, I feel like I'm just sitting around waiting for the blade to drop. I've never been in a situation like this before, and I most certainly hope to never be here again. I guess the best thing to do now is to look back on why I wanted to put myself through all this in the first place:

        I love helping people and being there for others. I want to be on the front lines helping those that can't help themselves. The greatest thing in the world as a nurse is not necessarily saving lives, although that is a great bonus, but having the knowledge that you made even the smallest difference in someone else's life.

        I love learning this stuff. Anatomy and physiology was probably my favorite class, next to chemistry. Once I was in nursing school, though, that topped it all. It's amazing the amount of skill and knowledge a nurse needs to know. I always tell people, once I graduate, they better hand me my PhD! ;)

       Easton Friedel and all suffering children/babies out there. They always say, when looking at death, its easier to see an older adult suffer and die then a child, mainly because of the idea of fair and justice. When an 80 year old man dies, we justify it by saying he'd lived a good long life. When a 2 year old child dies, everyone is outraged and demands to know why, because the child had barely started their journey in life. I see it that way, and yet I don't. I see this more as heartbreaking to watch someone suffer and die who doesn't even know what's going on. Whether they are a baby, or an 80 year old dementia patient, they all suffer more, because they can't rationalize what's going on in their heads. For me, that's why it's so hard to watch a child suffer and die. I want, more then anything, to one day work in the NICU. I want to be on that front line and help someone who truly can't help themselves in any manner, nor understands what's going on.

No matter what happens tomorrow, no matter the turnout, I tried my hardest, and God knows I will not go down without a fight!

My first unconscious break down!

I had my first real stress breakdown last night. This morning we had our first real big nursing exam. It was our third exam, but this one covered urinary and bowel elimination as well as nutrition. All of these topics were fairly heavy and we also had our first prioritize question. Well, last night I had been up studying, but my son was having a bit of a rough night, so I figured I should get some sleep just in case he decided to wake up. 

Well, I ended up having a horrid nightmare. I was in clinicals and I was in my patients room by myself. I couldn't really see my patient because they had a book they were reading from, which turned out to be my fundamentals text. She started asking me all these really strange, what I assume were supposed to be, test questions. I mean REALLY weird. One that I remember was you walk in and your patient is covered head to toe in diarrhea, which janitor do you call? Yeah, that weird...

So I'm stressing over these questions, trying to get them right and all of a sudden people start trickling in from no where. They're all people I know, from class, instructors, even family members were coming in until the room was nearly full with bodies. My mom came up next to me and asked me if I was taking it well. I turned to ask her what she was talking about, when all of a sudden my patient started coding. I turned back to find that my patient was my grandma who had passed away from cancer some years ago.

I attempt to jump up on the bed to start CPR, but a couple of the students and my instructor are holding me back. Across the bed is Dr. Cox from scrubs (yeah, I'm a scrubs nerd) and he's holding a sign with the letters DNR. That was about the time I fell out of bed...

I'm telling you this story more for my own sake. For the most part I can deal with death, or so I think so far. We'll see what happens when I'm really faced with it, but what will be really hard for me to deal with is getting a patient with a DNR order and being forced to just walk away when something could be done to save them. Knowing they lived a good long life won't necessarily make it any easier, but it would sure help...I guess it's just nice to know I'm still just a human being dealing with things most of the world donesn't have to face on a daily basis. 

We'll just continue to go one day at a time. I don't look forward to this situation, but I know the day I'm faced with it will be a big learning day for me, as well as something to grow on as a nurse, and as a human being.

~THE Future Nurse Moudry

Going to College with Kids

As always guys, if you have any suggestions for videos/blogs or comments you want to add as well as questions, feel free to comment below!

My first week!

~THE Future Nurse Chelsey

Remembering To Live...

I started watching Scrubs for the first time the other day. I don’t usually watch medical shows like that, just on the basis that most portray doctors and nurses in a bad light. This one certainly does on occasion, but I stumbled upon one of the best episodes I’ve seen in a long time for a TV show. In the first season is an episode titled “My Old Lady.” If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend you jump on youtube, Netflix, or find somewhere to rent it. It follows the three main doctors as they make their own life discoveries on death in their own unique way. I won’t go through all three, but I do want to hit on J.D.’s experience.

                For those of you who aren’t familiar with the show, J.D. is the central character you follow in the series. He’s an intern at a teaching hospital and quickly finds that being a doctor is not what he thought it would be. In this specific episode, J.D. finds himself with a 74 year old woman whose family immediately starts to berate him for his age and seems to be very domineering in the woman’s care. The old lady tells him he needs to be assertive and tell them to leave, which he manages to and finds he really likes her company. He finds out that her kidneys are bad enough that to keep her alive, she’d have to go on dialysis. When he goes to tell her, he finds that she’s left a note informing him that she went to the park.

                Arriving at the park, J.D. is welcomed by a large party for the old lady’s 5 year old granddaughter. She convinces J.D. to let her stay until the candles are blown out. When they get back, J.D. informs her of her situation, at which point she tells him she doesn’t want dialysis. She’s simply just ready to die. He’s completely taken aback by her answer and insists there’s something he can do. He looks at it legally, ethically, and eventually finds himself in her room reading off a list of things he believes everyone should do before they die. Making it to the end of the list without a single thing left for this woman to do, he begins grasping for anything to make her change her mind. Then this transpires:

Woman: Listen, Dr Dorian, there is not one thing I regret as I lay here right now. I'm ready. I really am.

J.D.: You have had an amazing life. Good.

Woman: Now we agree. Aren't there other patients you need to be seeing?

J.D.: Me? No, I've been off for two hours.

Woman: So with your precious free time, you've been talking to an old lady. What about your list? How many have you done? For that matter, how many times have you sat on the grass and done nothing? You need to start taking some time for yourself. Promise me you'll do that.

J.D.: I will.

Woman: Good. Now, get outta here. Go on.

J.D.: I just wanna check out a few things before I get going.

Woman: Are you OK?

J.D.: I'm scared.

I believe that this is the heart of nursing right here. You hear so much about the nurses that take care of their patients, the ones that meet their every need. We counsel them, educate them, and even hold their hand when they’re scared, but it isn't always like that. As a nurse, I believe that as much as we will teach and comfort our patients, our patients can teach and comfort us. In that brief moment, J.D. let down his guard and admitted being scared of this woman’s death, and death in general. It’s not an easy concept for anyone to come to terms with for anyone. It’s one thing to read about it, but it’s a whole other ball game to come face to face with it, even in a woman who is fully ready to say goodbye.

                I personally have not faced death. I’ve lost relatives and friends, which has been hard to deal with, but I’ve never met it face to face. The best thing we can do is evaluate our own lives. We should consider ourselves lucky. It’s not every profession that gets a reminder to get out and live!

What are your thoughts on death? Have you faced it yet? What was your experience like and what knowledge did you gain from it?

~THE Future Nurse Chelsey

Surviving Anatomy and Physiology

I've already done a post on Anatomy and Physiology, but I wanted to show you guys my notes and books to give you a more visual look at what I did to get through.

If you have a topic you want me to address, let me know in the comments below! I'll do my best to get any topic up in a timely manner!

~THE Future Nurse Chelsey

Orientation and Supplies!

I made it through Orientation last week and caught my experience on video! In my car even! I have to say, I don't think I'll ever get used to talking to myself in public places...

Part 2! Which goes through the rest of my supplies!

Hope you enjoyed! Good luck to those going into nursing school this semester, those who have been in nursing school and those trying to get in and going through prereq's!

~THE Future Nurse Chelsey